She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
