So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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