it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You pole danced in your parka.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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