This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
