I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
