If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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