I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
