Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
