At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
