He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
