Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
