I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
