i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
