last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
