she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
