it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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