Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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