On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
