i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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