There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
