Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
