Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
