omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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