Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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