Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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