didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
