one might say we're banned from that church
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
