theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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