Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
