My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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