Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
