i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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