did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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