Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
