I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
