oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize