thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
