I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
