My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
