i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my nose is crying tears of wow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
