it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
