So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
