Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
