Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
