My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
