I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
