Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
