I skipped work to stalk him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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