If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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