**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
