Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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