Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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