Soap is not a condiment
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
