how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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