oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
