Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sober January is a disaster.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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