Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
