I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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