Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
