No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
