It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am naked and annoyed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
