New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
