Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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