dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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