no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
