More tranny stories later!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
