haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
