If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
