You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
