I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
