"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
