just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
