they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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