By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize