I got chris browned last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
