My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
