True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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