The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
