eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
