hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
